The Avengers' Book Club
by sudoku
Summary: A thunder god, a mischief god, and a super soldier walk into a book club. The mission: discuss Harry Potter. This is one of Tony's worst ideas ever, Bruce thinks. It spells doom from the start. I totally blame this idea on Bombshel1701. Beta-ed version!
1. Bruce was doomed!

_Notes:_ Thanks again to the awesome Irish-Brigid from for betaing this story for me!

I dedicate this story to Bombshell1701 from as it's her prompt after all. Well that, or you can blame her for why such a story even exists. :)

_Disclaimer_: The Avengers and Harry Potter are not mine.

* * *

The Hulk was very angry. His anger was directed at two blond Avengers in front of him. Thor's hammer and Captain America's shield had no impact on slowing him down. Currently, Thor was trying to free himself from the crack in the wall and Captain America was trying to get up from the kitchen counter where the Hulk threw him. Captain America lunged at the Hulk, aiming to press some acupressure point at the Hulk's neck to make him immobile. Unfortunately, the Hulk caught his leg and defenestrated him...

Bruce woke up with a start. Had he just dreamed of transforming into the Hulk without control and murdering Captain America? He glanced at his radio clock, 2.47 am, and groaned. The was no way he could sleep again. The doomed book club would commence at 9 am today. No wonder he had such an explicit dream as he had been worrying about the book club ever since Tony suggested it. He should have known it was a bad idea.

* * *

_One week ago, in one of Tony's science labs._

"Oh come on, Bruce! It'll be fun. You'll do a lot of good training out-of-this-realm-or-out-of-time Avengers!"

"Is that what you call our teammates? How about Loki? He's not an Avenger and I can sense trouble whenever he is involved."

"Well, it beats calling them Shakespeare-in-the-Park and Capsicle. I need variation. I think you can handle Loki. Besides, we are stuck babysitting him while he is being punished in Midgard. You'll do a lot of good by introducing them to modern Midgardian cultures. They will be up to speed with what we talk about and Loki may come to love Midgard," Tony replied with a triumphant smile.

"I'm not sure how discussing Harry Potter in a book club can help them with our modern culture. We don't live in a medieval magical world. It will confuse them more! Why can't we start with a modern book?"

"Does it mean you agree to supervise them? I knew I could rely on you!" Tony patted Bruce's back.

"Tony, I didn't agree to anything. I just pointed out the flaw in using Harry Potter as a discussion topic for our current world."

"Aww, come on. It's not the setting per se as to the message in the books. Such as hating people different from us as done by the Death Eater is bad."

"Tony ... those messages are for children. I'm sure they know those messages without the need to read the books."

"Can you find a book that has been read by all of them? Besides, we can start with Harry Potter first to see how well we can progress before continuing it. As with all scientific experiments, we need to make deduction and conduct experiments first."

"Well, if you put it that way. I guess there is no harm in trying, at least just for a meeting and if there's anything wrong, I'll call it quits. But why me?"

"Well, besides Steve, you're the most level headed member of The Avengers. Can you imagine me leading a book club?" Bruce shuddered at the thought. Tony noticed it and grinned. "I thought so. Can you imagine Natasha? She would probably kill all of them within five minutes if they started to ask what she thinks are stupid questions. And Clint? Where shall I begin? He would probably misdirect and confuse them even more. He may be impatient, he may ..."

"OK, when you put it this way, I guess I'm the most suitable. As I said, if anything goes wrong, I'll just put a stop to it before I turn into the Hulk and murder them."

Tony had been pestering Bruce for two months to form a book club for Thor, Steve and Loki since they found out by accident that out of all the books in all of the nine realms, they had read Harry Potter. Tony thought it was too much of a golden opportunity to pass. Bruce guessed as usual that Tony got his way.

"Brucey, I know you'll see it my way. Your genius is reaching mine so I think you can handle it. I'll let them know now." Tony practically walked with a skip out of the room toward the elevator.

Bruce instantly regretted his decision. He rubbed his face tiredly and called up to Tony but it was too late, Tony's elevator door had closed. He felt that him doom was hanging on the air.

* * *

Notes:

-I don't envision this story to be long as I agree with Bruce that the book club is doomed from the start. Perhaps 5 chapters at most but I promise nothing because sometimes the story grows by itself.

-In case you wonder, even if you don't, you can check out Chapter 7 (or all chapters) of one of my other stories, "Discovering Fanfiction." It explains why they've read Harry Potter.

-The next chapter will have a questionnaire asking them what their house will be, who their favorite characters are, and how they think the books apply to real life. If you have any other ideas for what should be put in the questionnaire and what they can discuss, please let me know.

-Or you can just let me know what you think about the story by sending your review.


	2. Questionnaire

_Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favs._

_Notes:_ Thanks again to the awesome Irish-Brigid from for betaing this story for me!

_Warning:_ Spoilers for Harry Potter series.

_Disclaimer:_ I don't own Harry Potter or The Avengers. Otherwise, I would already be a millionaire by now.

* * *

_8.30 am, Stark Tower Meeting Room 1_

Bruce walked into the meeting room with his StarkPad and all the Harry Potter books. While all of these books could be viewed via StarkPad, he thought it would be easier to refer to some points by flipping through the pages and showing them around. Call him out fashioned, somehow looking at printed words on paper gave him satisfaction unrivaled by looking at those pixels on some fancy screen. Perhaps the academic in him had always liked to read papers and it affected his reading habits. He suspected the others would prefer the printed copies as well.

* * *

_8.45 am _

Bruce was meditating at the head table when Steve walked in. He carried a big satchel containing all the Harry Potter books and his StarkPad. He even took some notes and pens.

Bruce barked out a laugh. Steve raised his eyebrows.

Bruce answered, "Great minds think alike. Those are the items I prepared as well."

Steve smiled and sat at Bruce's left hand side. He said, "We should never be under prepared. I have reread the books again in the last few days."

"Don't you have an eidetic memory?"

"I do. However, knowing the facts is different from getting the whole feeling of the books as intended by the author. I can remember the facts but somehow, it's harder to get the feelings."

"I understand what you meant although I think you gave J. K. Rowling too much credit. I don't think she planned that far ahead to manipulate readers to certain feelings at certain times, very few authors can even do that."

"It's still fun to reread them though."

"I certainly can't argue with that. I wonder what the others are up to."

"I saw Thor having breakfast with Clint when I came in here. I don't know where Loki is."

"It would be interesting to see what they brought. I think the whole proceeding will prove to be interesting."

Steve chuckled and asked, "JARVIS, what was Tony's order regarding this meeting? Did he ask you to record from every angle and turn up all audio whenever someone speaks?"

JARVIS replied with what Bruce suspected was an embarrassed tone, "Certainly, Captain Roger. He even threatened to sell my hardware for scraps if I missed any single detail."

Steve replied, "Well, in that case, please make sure you get everything then, even if he'll have material to blackmail us for a lifetime."

Bruce laughed and said, "I hope it won't be that bad." After that sentence, Thor walked in with a stack of pizza boxes in one hand, one jumbo glass of fruit juice in the other, and his StarkPad hanging in a sling bag on his right shoulder. Loki trailed behind carrying two cups of coffee with no StarkPad or books in sight. Bruce said, "Perhaps I spoke too soon."

Steve smiled and patted his shoulder. "You'll be fine. Besides, it's more likely for us to embarrass ourselves than you."

"Thanks, Steve. I hope the green guy won't appear today."

Thor chose to sit next to Steve. Having seen that, Loki sat directly in front of Thor with a smirk.

Loki asked, "Why the fruit juice today, brother? I thought you liked to indulge in all Midgardian junks."

Missing Loki's insult, Thor answered, "Lady Jane actually said the same thing, she asked me to drink this detoxing juice. She said it would flush toxins from my body, whatever that means. She is the smart one, so I trust her."

Before the meeting could get derailed when it hadn't even started, Bruce said, "Should we proceed with the bookclub meeting?"

He got three different responses: "Sure;" "I'm so excited to learn more about Midgard;" and "Let's get it over with."

He drew three deep breaths then said, "I actually prepared a questionnaire for you to answer before we go into the discussion. I will give you thirty minutes to answer it. If you need more time, just ask."

He gave two pens to Thor and Loki as they didn't even bother to bring any writing tools. He observed how they answered the questionnaire. Steve looked quite serious and earnest in answering them. Thor was enthusiastic, he kept writing something, changed his mind and crossed his previous answers. Bruce winced and gave him a pencil and an eraser which Thor accepted gratefully. Loki answered with practiced ease. Bruce heard he mumbled something about "child's play."

Thirty minutes later, they were done. Bruce collected the questionnaire and was surprised by their answers. Apparently, he didn't know his teammates (and Loki) as well as he thought. That was what they said about making assumptions. He never expected his teammates (and Loki) would pick "Ravenclaw", "Hufflepuff", and "Gryffindor" (OK, the last one was expected) as their houses. The discussion would be interesting and Tony wouldn't be disappointed.

* * *

**Bruce's Questionnaire**

1. Name:

2. Which house do you want to be in Hogwart and why? It's your choice, don't worry about the Sorting Hat.

3. Name three of your favorite characters and please give the reasons!

4. Name three of your least favorite characters and please give the reasons!

5. Do you think Voldermort created a self-fulfilling prophecy by marking Harry as his equal accidentally?

6. Did Dumbledore do the right thing by telling only certain people what they needed to know instead of the whole truth?

7. What do you think is the message of the story? You can give as many as you want.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

-Sorry for the long delay in update, real life and other fandoms called. I will also update "Discovering Fanfiction."

-Could you guess which Avenger (and Loki) chose which house? Virtual cookies will be given to the first person who guesses it right.

-If you have any idea how to answer Bruce's questionnaire, please let me know. I have the basic idea but I don't mind to incorporate ideas from others.

-I don't mean to discredit Rowling as she did a great job in writing this series. I just thought it was very rare for authors to be able to plan so far ahead and get the readers where he or she wants them. I might be wrong, though.

-Please let me know what you think about this story.


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